Friday, February 11, 2011

Your Biggest Gaming Sins

I am going to touch on a subject today that may be sensitive to many of you. I do so, not with a spirit of meanness, although I am a fan of doing ANYTHING with a spirit of meanness. Things as small as walking the dog, or owning a Gigapet are made much more entertaining, not to mention INTENSE, when done with a mean spirit.
"Oh, you want food, huh? You're hungry, eh? Well, maybe you can
have some after more exercise and discipline. Discipline! DISCIPLINE!"
-That one time I stole Jo's Tamagotchi, circa 1997 
Let's imagine, just for today, that this is our little 8-Bit confessional, and speak frankly about our biggest gaming sins.

Now, we're not talking about breaking pots and stealing the odd Rupee here and there - We're not even talking about the stuff you do in games that would get you imprisoned in real life, because that's basically EVERYTHING. We are talking about telling those things that we do in games (or because of them) that we probably wouldn't tell a psychiatrist, and let's tell them in a spirit of cathartic healing. This is a chance for you to be honest, and to tell us the things you have done that you hesitate to mention when your grandmother is even in the same state as you. No one need fear in this sacred place... Even altar-boys are safe. *KA-ZING!*
All are alike in this place, and to demonstrate that, let ME share my gaming sins with you first. I'll start with a more recent example for those who haven't been gaming as long as the rest of us.

As some of you already know from my article on patching, when I purchased Fallout 3, I was very excited. I had played the other games in the series, and I wanted to see it make the leap to glorious polygonal pulchritude. I began my wandering in the capital wasteland, found the city of Megaton, and even established a home there. That's when things took a dark and twisted turn.

As I found more and more exciting weapons in my travels, I would take them back to my house in Megaton, repair them, and then put them in my "armory", which was an extra room that I converted into a weapons depot. Whenever I wondered about the effectiveness of a weapon, I would grab it, fill my disgusting, dust-soiled pockets with ammunition, and walk out the door. Because it would be too much work to walk ALL THE WAY out of town, I would simply look around, and shoot the nearest peaceful resident to death.

"My new revolver says that you have a free drink for me back there, barkeep."
This would inevitably lead to an all-out gunfight with the entire city where I would " test my weapon's combat effectiveness" on anything that moved, and that ranged from the town sheriff, to the local religious group, to grandmothers. I wouldn't stop until I had killed everything with a pulse in the city limits. If it lived, breathed, and had a mother somewhere who loved it very much, you better believe that I was lobbing grenades at it. After I wiped the city clean of life, I would look around, survey my handiwork, and then reload the last save so it was like it never happened.

Just to clarify, I want you to know that I am not a violent person in my day-to-day life. I don't kick dogs, push down the elderly, or steal from children. I don't pick fights, and the last time that I intentionally did something to physically hurt someone in real life was probably 10 years ago. I am not insane or unbalanced, and I don't collect body parts in my freezer.

That said, I wiped out Megaton hundreds, if not thousands of times. I often started my rampages when someone would run up to me in town, tell me that I was a wonderful person, and give me the gift of the last dollar they had to their name, and after thanking them, I would shoot them in the back as they walked away.

Ironically, when I had the opportunity during the storyline to blow up Megaton with a nuclear weapon, I felt morally superior when I refused, telling the man offering the plan to me that he was a horrifying person because of his disregard for human life, and that I would kill him if I saw his face again. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
Who's the real monster here? My massacre story is funnier, so...
Probably still him, right?
Hopefully this story has told you what kinds of sins I am talking about here. I have other sins to share, but those will have to come later, because heaven knows this feature is getting too long as it is!

What things have you done in videogames that would cause your (future) children to shrink from you in fear if they ever found out?

Feel free to share with us in the comments, or if you think you have a REALLY good one, shoot it to us in an e-mail at, and if it's awesome enough we might put it up as an article right on the home page!



  1. I think out of all my gaming moments Carmageddon really brought out the worst in me. Nothing beats the feeling of soaring off the edge of a building into a heard of innocent bystanders, you even get bonus points!

  2. I often dream of moments in games where I took the moral high ground. Fable, Oblivion, Fallout 3 are popular examples of games where you have thousands of chances to be evil and so few to be good. Killing townsfolk is easy but traveling through the wilderness for 15 minutes to save a fellow member of the fighter’s guild who got lost in a cave is hard! I think the most frightening thing that comes to mind as I consider this topic is that I am often times more moral in gaming than I am in life. Lying and stealing don't actually make bugs fly around your head...

  3. I'm not much of a gamer, but I, multiple times, killed my gigapet. I just wanted to see how long it would last...
    Now I feel like a horrible person. :)

  4. In the game Little King's Story I would gather groups of young children and force them to do my bidding. I'd make them dig holes, rummage through garbage, attack monsters, climb trees, you name it! And I would make them work for days straight! It's good to be king...


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