Monday, January 17, 2011

"2-D, or Not 2-D? That is Progression:" 3DS Press Conference Predictions

NOTE: This article was written on January 6th, and post-dated to publish on January 17th, 2010. What you are about to read is an 8-Bit Variety Show "Post... FROM THE FUTURE!"

On January 19th it will be my birthday, and as a gift to me, Nintendo of America has decided to stage a press conference to give me all of the launch details for the Nintendo 3DS! Because I love humanity, I told Nintendo that they had to let everyone else in on the information, too. As you can imagine, this was met with a few grumbles, and some drunken shouting.
They maintained that "they were going to do that anyway," and they wondered "how I got into the building," but I know they were secretly happy that I was giving them permission to let all of you in on the secret. As thanks, they even had three nice men wearing badges carry me all the way out of the building so I wouldn't have to use MY legs.

All of this was nice of Nintendo, and I do appreciate the effort they are putting into our friendship after some of the uncool things they have done to me in the last few years.

"We were going to give you Mother 3 in North America for your
birthday, but we hate it, and you."
-Letter from Nintendo on BitNick's Birthday, 2009
With that said, I thought that it would be fun to make some predictions about the specifics of the 3DS, and see how close I get! Keep in mind that I am doing for purely entertainment reasons, although some light gambling (for or against me) in the comments would be welcomed provided there is a small kick-back to the 8-Bit Variety Show for hosting the betting venue.

The PREDICTED information for the vital statistics of the 3DS are as follows:

Release Date: March 27, 2011
Price Point for North America: $249.99 (But I wish $199.99)
Pack-in Games: None, but a 3DS Shop credit wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility
Launch Titles: The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time 3D, Starfox 64 3D, Kid Icarus: Uprising, Super Street Fighter IV 3D, Dead or Alive Dimensions, Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D, and a few others of lesser personal interest.
What's In The Box: 3DS, charging dock and cord, extra stylus, documentation, activation card for 3DS Shop points.

Also, in order to facilitate either bittter mockery or unencumbered adulation of my gifts of prognostication, I will update this post after the press conference with the ACTUAL vital statistics, and see how close my predictions were. Watch this Bit!

What are YOUR predictions for the 3DS vital statistics? Am I way off, or do you agree? Let us know in the comments, if you feel so inclined!


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